Logline: A girl in desperation, steals the answers to a test, and finds out that her shortcut to success may be too irresistible.
Treatment:
The doorway of a math classroom is established. A teenage girl is zoning out and awaiting a text message from her friend. Her eyes reflect boredom as her math teacher lectures. She is snapped out of her trance as she receives a text message. As she is about to answer, the bell rings and the teacher's stern voice reminds the class of the test the following day that is worth 1/3 of their grade. (sound effect that demonstrates the girl's surprised feeling).
The girl's eyes pop out of her sockets as she stammers "A-a test? When did you say we would have a test? I'm not ready for it at all!"
The teacher replies " Well, I told the class last week. We've gone over everything in class, there's no reason why you shouldn't know these concepts. I wish you a lot of luck tomorrow". The teacher smiles casually, and then walks out of the classroom hastily to the bathroom. The girl sighs heavily and her eyes wander around the room. Her eyes suddenly stop at a piece of paper slipping out of a folder on the teachers desk. (mysterious music plays).She quickly scans the room and the window for any witnesses. She slyly creeps towards the desk and pulls out the paper. She quickly picks it up and reads it, her eyes move from side to side and a malicious smile slowly forms (complimented by evil musical score). In her hand, the words "Test #3 Answer Key" is printed on the very top.
The following day, the girl is eating lunch with her friends. (fun, medium tempo music plays) She is laughing and talking with her friends in content. Someone taps her shoulder and she turns around, surprised at seeing the face of her worried friend. "Hey, did you study for the test for math? I feel like I'm going to fail, and I really need that A to pass the class or else my parents are going to kill me", the friend exclaims miserably. "I pretty confident that I'll ace that test. I'm not worried, and you shouldn't either", the girl replies (emphasis on the word worried).
The final lunch bell rings and students clamor to get to class. (music transitions to dramatic music) The girl intentionally takes her time packing up her things, ensuring that she is the last one to arrive in class. She quickly unzips a compartment of her backpack and pulls out the answer key. "Yup, I'm not worried at all. haha...", she whispers to herself. (a closeup on her mad eyes). Sounds of her chuckle is muffled.
A sound bridge is heard (malicious/ eerie music) as the girl begins to walk towards class. (transition from spirit court to classroom) During the test, the girl calmly peeks at the paper hiding under her test paper. She unintentionally crumples the paper loudly, and lifts her head up, returning into her normal position. She resumes her writing. But, as she is writing, her hand begins to shake violently. Her foot begins to tap and she stares at the clock on the wall. Tick tock, tick tock... She looks around the room. A boy is scratching his head in confusion. She turns her head to the other side of the room. Another student is erasing her pencil marks frantically. The student near that student is tapping her pencil rhythmically. The girl returns her focus to her test. As she stares at the answer key she begins to hear an unknown voice. "Do it. Cheat, there's nothing wrong with it. Come on, you know you want to." Then another voice begins to talk on top of the first voice. "No, don't listen to her. This is wrong, and you know it. Do the right thing." The two voices continue to talk, talking faster and faster, overlapping one another. The girl begins to breathe heavily and grips her hair in confusion. But, with one final breath of determination, her thoughts scream, "I am in control now, nothing will get in my way". As she finishes the last question, she carefully folds the paper and slips it into her backpack. She walks up to her teacher (sounds of her discreet footsteps are heard) and hands the test in, smiling angelically. She turns around and instantly a cunning grin is formed on her face. The bell rings again to signal the end of the period, and as she walks out she runs into her friend, who still retains the same worried look. The girl says to her friend "There's no need to be stressing about this test. It's a no brainer. You want to know what my secret is?"
"What?", her friend asks. "Well, you see I kind of have the answers. I can give them to you if you want. You want to pass, right? So, what do you say?", the girl asks. (the same evil musical score begins again) She hands her friend the piece of paper and the friend stares at her intently, with a hint of evil in her smile. It is spreading...
***I used sound play in this story by complimenting evil/ eerie music with the immoral actions the antagonist performs. Subtext is incorporated through the antagonist's dialogue with her friend, she is concealing from the other girl the fact that she has the test answers and that she has the motives of helping her friend cheat as well. Foley sounds such as the copy machine and student chatter will be used realistically in the edit. Rhythmic match will be shown during the test, the purpose is to show the girl's anxiety. Sound bridge is used for the transition between the lunch scene and the test taking scene. Lietmotif will be the shrilling musical score that compliments the girl's cunning thoughts.
I think you had a good idea on your plate. Maybe try to think of more ways to use sound. One idea could be when she finished her test early she sits back in her desk. She gets nervous that she may get caught cheating so she can't sit still. The ticking of the clock, her tapping her pencil and tapping her foot (and maybe texting) could all be a rhythmic match to show how antsy she is. That's just one idea, but otherwise your idea is good and well developed. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the idea, Isabella, but I feel a lot of your elements are used too much already in our films. Or maybe I'm being too harsh :/
ReplyDeleteI think what gets to me is the dialogue, it seems too hackneyed and lacks the subtext that Bigue wants us to incorporate more into our films.
Needs more fine tuning, otherwise, I'm glad you're trying to use the sound concepts.
I think it's a fine story, but I dont get the point of it. Is it the spread of evil? It doesn't really give much--maybe make it so that she intentionally sneaks into school to get the answers? I'm not sure, but I like the concept.
ReplyDeleteI also like how you try to use Leitmotif, and other sound concepts, but I guess the emphasis on sound isn't really shown through this treatment (i'll just have to wait til i see the script of until you elaborate before I can judge).
One thing: I don't really get the importance of the text--maybe just simplify it to her doodling or passing notes or something? Or maybe her trying to figure the math out but ending up with fish. I don't know.
It's a great concept, but try to expand on what you're trying to spread here.
I thinks its an interesting treatment, but I see the that the sound concepts are a little undeveloped. What I mean is that, your dialogue seems really simple, you should make your dialogue different to work with the theme of evil in your film.
ReplyDeleteI like how you want to use the leitmotif and sound bridges, but I think you should have the girl be caught cheating, because you can add more sound concepts.
For example, the teacher is walking around the classroom, and the girl is trying to look on her cheat paper, when the teacher is right by the girl's desk, the girl looks at her cheat paper. The girl gets scared and she drops the paper on the floor and the teacher catches her. You can add sound like when the paper falls on the floor.
1.) The intent of this story is to show how one side of the conscience dominates the other. When this domination occurs, the corruption and evil begins to effect the character psychologically, even effects other people of association the same way.
ReplyDelete2.) The first plot point is when the girl's teacher announces that the test is tomorrow. The second plot point is when the girl discovers the test answers. The third plot point is when the girl’s friend tells her about her worries for the test. The fourth plot point is when she is taking the test, with answer key’s assistance.
3.)The ultimate climax of the story is when the girl actually cheats on her test, disregarding the possible consequences. This shows that the girl's desire for success results her becoming corrupt and immoral.
4.)There really is no "resolution". She starts out as naive and incompetent and ends up becoming evil and cunning. We just see her gradual transformation.
5.)The story ends with the main character giving her friend the test answers; thus, influencing her friend to be immoral as well.
6.)The important lines of dialogue are the dialogues between the main character and her friend. The main character's confident words conceal her anxiety about getting caught. Also important is the lines the protagonist says to herself. They show that her evil nature is surfacing and creates a fearful/dramatic tone.
7.) The main character controls the story because her actions and decisions determines the outcome.
8.)My suggestions to myself if the treatment doesn't work well is to create more unique, or different dialogues and to include the conflicting unknown voices more often before turning points.